My wide girth slid down the crunchy paper covered table as I waited to hear the quick flutter of the baby growing inside me. Although I was headed into the final stretch of my third pregnancy excitement ran through my veins. Finally the doctor appeared, “I assume you are getting your tubes tied during this birth. The risks of childbirth can be detrimental with another pregnancy. ”
No more babies?
Having another baby had always been an open ended question, a question to be answered by my husband and I… not some doctor. Boy did I struggle in this for a while.
Today, I feel as though I have climbed a summit and can take a peek at the path I traveled. I can confidently say from that mountaintop, “We will not have anymore children!” Big smile.
When asked as if we are having anymore children my answer is no longer a somber “I can’t,” and has become, “Nope! We are done!” The Lord gave me three beautiful, healthy girls. If I could have had another child, I would have…. And dug myself deeper into this difficult title of motherhood. I am so far over my head with three children. God had my best interest at heart when He put the breaks on my reproductive organs! He used a longhaired, fierce Chihuahua to draw me into the light of understanding!
I am far from a dog lover but the moment this silly looking frizzy haired animal jumped out of her cage into my arms I realized she had a few things to show me. I needed her. Cherokee Rose. People stop me on a regular basis, “Just what kind of dog is that?”
I thought I would be forever broken hearted not having a crib in the house. I thought every time I saw a pregnant mommy I’d feel a tinge of failure and heartache. The arrival and life there after with Cherokee Rose snapped me out of those thoughts! I have enough on my deliciously prepared plate. Life is good.
The once beautiful moldings at the base of our walls are now decorated with lovely teeth marks, especially the yummy corners. Our passive cocker spaniel is continually tormented with constant nibbles and pounces. The girls can barely move a muscle with out being hunted and wildly pursued down the hallway. Walks are always a surprise as Cherokee dashes to tear apart anything moving, from leaves blowing in the wind to cars and trucks barreling down the road.
Within this immense personality there is fierce love, loyalty and belonging. Cherokee has eyes for our family only. She lives and breathes… us. This is how my heart needs to beat, in what we have together. All the crazy chaos the Lord has so graciously, knowingly placed in front of me.