I took a nap on my birthday, lounging on the new love seat my husband gave to me as my gift. How wonderfully sweet. My nap was one of complete relaxation, breeze blowing, mouth open, legs splayed. It was an awesome nap. Little did I know my husband snapped a picture of my mid day snooze. I was not conscious to say, “Not on Facebook with this one Buddy.” Well, that is exactly where it went, Facebook. I found this bit of information out in the middle of a meeting with REAL, working professionals. He was patting himself on the back for what a great husband he had been, completing a honey-do list while I napped. Glancing around at this beloved group of professionals gathered, their good-hearted laughs and snickers confirmed there was a photo and he did in fact post it.
Since Buddy feels he can share so much of me with the outside world, here goes one for him. Many phone and email conversations occur while Buddy is in the bathroom. I frequently wonder how he muffles the flush of a toilet. Actually bathroom work must run in our family. Often “Cooking with Strawberry Shortcake” can be heard outside the bathroom and on numerous occasions I have located the girls’ lost IPod on the bathroom rug.
I am a private person and feel defensive and somewhat violated when anything penetrates through my protective barriers.
A dear friend of mine mentioned a moment during one of my few, gleaming moments of motherhood where I shined. In her next sentence she compared herself to me, disappointed she did not measure up.
What a role change here. I am the expert on comparing my less than self, constantly falling short. Emotions swirled through out the conversation bouncing from –I do seem pretty good, I have her fooled, I can totally keep this going, to she doesn’t know the half of it, I am actually exactly like her, she just happen to catch me at my best moment that morning.
I let my friend in on a few secrets. Certain issues I have had to deal with in my life led me to where I stood in that one awesome mommy moment she happened to observe. I let her know how I also struggle with insecurities. Comparing what I have, or how I look, or how I am perceived with anyone else on this planet, ALWAYS leads down a dark path of negative, nasty thinking. This negative, nasty thinking has no positive outcome.
I could have stayed tight lipped and let her think, “That is just the way I roll. All. The. Time.” Surprisingly, I didn’t. I leaned in connecting in some tender moments with a friend who needed to be lifted up, allowing her to see me for who I really am and accepting me as that, a woman, just like her struggling to be a better mom, better wife, better friend. By laying down my guard, dropping some of those barriers, sharing some secrets, I see how we are able to find comfort within each other rather than competition. Not one better or worse, all a work in progress.
My husband is a man of few secrets. Perhaps he is rubbing off on me. A word to the wise, when on a business call with Buddy DON’T ask, “How’s it going?”
I love you Buddy…